*I wrote this post from the air on the way to see UNO so chalk up anything that ruffles your feathers to the altitude… it probably has nothing to do with the altitude but if it helps you sleep at night (shrugs) *

I have come to terms that I am not hip. Mostly because I equate being hip to being with fads, and nothing about me says fad-ish (or so I hope). That is why I will never be a cool lesbian… or a diva dyke or whatever homo Barbie-esque labels we go by this week. I am just an old school doily dyke that loves women (most of the time, you heffas can also work a nerve).

I am not really sure when being a lesbian became so primetime cool. Was it when Gina Gershon and the Bride of Chucky chick kissed? Was it when Showime presented the L Word? I would say Ellen… but nothing about Ellen speaks cool… Was it you Queen L in Set it Off? Maybe all the girl on girl video chick scenes (you can always blame rap) . Whoever and Whatever it was can I say a rousing… Thank you…dumb ass.

No seriously thank you. You opened the closet door for many women that would probably still be hanging next to their winter coats without you…

Warning: This is when the post takes a dark turn

So at this point I am risking losing any goodwill because as much as I’d like it to pretend…. being a lesbian by itself does not impress me. I don’t think that being a lesbian deserves any special prize, I don’t think that I deserve a float in the Macy’s day parade. The only thing different between me and the heterosexual woman behind me is the shape my lips make when I’m giving head.

As much as it pains me to say it, sometimes I can’t blame the “mainstream” culture from giving us the side eye. I have a bit of trouble myself focusing when I have a barrage of fluorescent rainbow colors flash before my eyes… when we call each other “bitch” and “ho” more than anyone else… and when we don’t hold ourselves to a higher standard (or any standard at all).

So cheers to the uncool lesbian who is more likely to “represent” by supporting a LGBT cause with time and money, as opposed to wearing  the rainbow lacefront and an “I eat pussy” t-shirt.

Cheers to the one who will march on Washington, rather than show their ass making out with each other for straight boys to videotape.

Cheers to the lesbian who shows the outside world that lesbians are a force to reckon with by how she carries herself, not by her ability to sleep with straight girls (which is not even hard)…

I know… I know… that might not be fashionable… but trust and believe it sure is sexy.