A Brilliant Disguise… or Why I Will Never Date Publicly Again.

Ok so this was supposed to be an erotica chock full of sex, straps, whips, and sin but for some reason my brain is stuck of them. THEM.. the SHEs, the HERs, the EXs, the “FRIENDS“.. all the women in the last year who I have liked, loved, and left… and the ones who left me.

So if that’s not what you want to read check back with me later for a post more to your liking.

Now don’t think this is going to be an extra dramatic declaration or a juicy tell-all because those who need to know the details were there… But I will tell you what I have learned. Whether you have 5 friends or 500, 12 followers or 12000 , one thing is for sure, the only thing worse than a breakup is the lezzie inquisition once your friends (and something-like-a-friends) find out. I don’t understand why people seem to care so much about relationships they weren’t apart of but it definitely appears to be the case.

When EX and I broke up I got it, we had done blogs and radio shows about our relationship so people wanted to where things went wrong…. fine. What I didn’t get was the flack that I got for not giving all the T. I have never gone into the specifics (outside of a few friends and the Dyke Club) out of respect for what we did have, not because I had anything to hide.

I will never forget the tweet I got after I reposted “Going the Distance : e-Long Distance Relationships”. This heffa had the nerve to tweet me that I should take it down because obviously it didn’t work…

Mmm hmm she did that…

She better be glad I was in the middle of a twitter battle with F1 or F2 (I can’t remember which one) or I would have showed ALL THE WAY OUT.

On to F1 and F2… now I have never really discussed them so I’m trying to figure out how to without calling them out. I know that at least one of the two will never read this which gives me comfort but that other one… that other one. They are without a doubt two of the best studs (or women in general for that matter) I have ever met. Whenever I have been in between relationships, having work anxiety, or just being “extra” they have kept me off the ledge… which is why I could never date either of them.

Don’t give me the sideeye…

We all have those friends that are exactly what we want but we are too smart (or stupid) to ruin it with dating. Yep… I have 2. In the end these kind of relationships always become ruined because someone falls into the deep. Funny thing is that this time it was mutual, I was just too smart (or stupid) to say it out loud.

… which brings us to SHE. F*cking SHE who has reinforced why I don’t rush into relationships. There is nothing worse then having your long-term friends meet a short-term acquaintance. Granted we had reservations about her from the get-go (which is why we only referred to her as SHE) but in our moment of weakness (or stupidity) we thought that we were finally on the right path and decided to go all in. Now we are having to decline double date requests, delete comments/photos from Facebook (we don’t want the next woman to be dissuaded by the last one) and retitle a folder that read “Her bday ski trip”. But at least we hadn’t paid any deposits #Winning

Did you notice that I started referring to myself in the royal “we”?

Is it bad that my foremost thought is that the next one better be the right one because I am running out of pronouns o_O?

But I digress, tell me about you. Do you date publicly? How long do date a woman before introducing her to friends? When do you make the ever-important relationship status change?

Tweet me @kristiweb.

What I was listening to — Miles Davis: Kind of Blue
What I was drinking — Belvedere Bloody Mary