Why I Will Be That Old Lesbian in the Back of the Bar… And Other Revelations

unnamed (1)Last night I had an epiphany… well maybe not last night because I have been telling Abby DC about this for about a year. I have resolved to be that old lesbian in the back of the bar drinking whisky from my snifter and looking atthe young and tenders over the rim of my glass. Why? Because I don’t think I will ever fall in love… better yet stay in love.

Since I am not one of those “post every step of my relationship on social media” types, you may or may not know I have been single for the last year. And if I am totally honest, I checked out of my last relationship a good 6 months before “the talk”. I know the moment that it happened, and the circumstances behind why it happened, but that’s not the point of this post. Since then I have meandered through the dating scene, with interest levels of lukewarm to “when hell freezes over”. I just can’t seem to make myself interested. I even tried POF from which I did meet a real cool Gaytor girl, but from which I have yet to get laid.

I’m just not into the women that are into me… I have always had a pretty steadfast rule of “Femmes just not need apply”. And yes I know by the lesbian dictionary, I am technically a femme BUT I am an unfashionable femme.

**DISCLAIMER: I knooooow all femmes aren’t like what I am about to say**

Look, I don’t want to drown in your damn tears or be the target of your misdirected, irrational rage. I am not paying anyone’s bills that doesn’t share my DNA and the idea of being someone’s Mama #2 scares the crap out of me. I know the best part about being with a woman is supposed to be the emotional connection… but sometimes I am over all this damn connecting.

Now that doesn’t mean I want any hardcore “look ma no hands… or tongues”  studs either. From my experience they are waaaaaay too indoctrinated in the constructs of heterosexual male/female relationships. I am not looking for a daddy, my father is dead. Too harsh? Ok well, I don’t want to date a man, or I would.

So…. yeah I am very aware I have cut my love connection chances into pieces. I know there may or may not be a Princess Charming in a bowtie and suspenders hiding in the wings…  *shrugs*.

Until then… fill up another glass bartender and keep shimmy shimmy-ing young girls*.

*Young as in old enough for me to buy you a drink… but young enough not to know the difference between wells and the good stuff.

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