If you follow me on twitter, you will know two things for sure. I revel in irreverence and I haven’t had sex since my 20s.

Don’t make that face. It is a mix of a long winded end to a LDR and a celibate period of self-discovery… or that’s what I tell myself. Hell even before my self imposed drought, my last few relationships were long distance. So the plan was clear when it came to knocking boots. If we are together in the same city, let alone the same bed, IT IS GOING DOWN. Boom-chicka-waa-waa.

There was no playing coy, or being a gentle-person. It was hot and heavy and WONDERFUL (most of the time).  So now that I am seeing-ish P2, I am sitting here with lezzie blue balls not knowing what to do. Well let me clarify… I know what to do! I just don’t know when the doing is going happen.

Yes, there is more to getting to know someone other than just sex. I totally get that. Yes, she is more than a piece of ass,  I get that too. Look I am not trying to hit it and quit it. I like her… a lot BUT now that I have had a taste, I am in need of a hit.¹. And I, like Sway, don’t have all the answers.

I need parameters. I need to have reasonable expecations. I don’t want to be an old hoe (which is muuuuch worse than a young hoe). There are just so many new developments in the last 5 years. When did all these new fangled ideas like a 90 day rule come to play? ² I know people who have been married in less. If you really think about it, according to lesbian calendars which are counted in hours instead of days, I have been kicking  it with her AT LEAST 90 hetero days, right? Work with me people.

I know what at least one of my friends would say. They would say “KK girl find you a little piece of trade to knock your cobwebs off so you can focus”. No ma’am. I know the other will say “Miss KK doll, you better take what you want, she isn’t going to say no”. Ooh chile. Yes, both will get me laid but I am not sure I am about that life.

Any suggestions that will leave me with a little dignity? Anyone? Will there be one? The doors of the blog are open.

Until then I will have to stick to my self serve sex workout plan but I would rather burn those 20 calories than 6.

I was soooo good until last night. Sooooo  good.