Hi Ladies!!

So, it’s the ChristmaHanaKwanzaakah/Festivus/Saturnalia/Winter Solstice season, and its time to show off your imaginary baking skills.  What? You have no baking skills???  No worries, your boi AJ has a sure fire recipe lined up for you. You will be the star of your lesbian leftist crunchy collective potluck, I assure you.

Chocolate Whiskey Cake (originally made by Melissa Clark)

Prep and Cooking Time: 90 minutes

Servings: It’s a cake, dammit. Slice what you want.

Ingredients

• 12 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into small pieces (save the wrappers to butter the pan)
• ¾ cup PLUS 2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
• 1 ½ cups of brewed coffee
• ½ of whiskey (don’t use any of your single malt stash, but don’t use anything that would strip paint off the walls either)
• 1 cup white sugar
• 1 cup light brown sugar (I’d advise a light hand with this one—don’t pack the measuring cup)
• 2 cups all purpose flour
• 1 ½ teaspoons baking soda
• ¾ teaspoon sea salt
• ¼ teaspoon black pepper
• 1/8 teaspoon ground cloves
• 3 large eggs
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1 cup mini semisweet chocolate chips
• Powdered sugar, for serving (optional) (it ain’t optional, yall. Go for it.

Prep:

1. Heat your oven to 325 degrees.  Butter a 10 inch springform pan. Dust it with 2 tablespoons of cocoa powder.
2. In a medium saucepan over low heat, warm the coffee, whiskey, butter, and remaining cocoa powder. Whisk occasionally until butter is melted.  SLOWLY whisk in both sugars until melted.  At this point, taste your concoction and pass out from the sheer awesomeness of what thou hath created.  Remove from heat and let cool completely.  Try not to paint it on, and lick it off, your significant other.  Not that that’s not a great idea, but NOW IS NOT THE TIME. Maybe later.
3. In a bowl, whisk together your flour, baking soda, salt, pepper, and cloves.  In another bowl, whisk together the eggs and vanilla.  Slowly whisk the egg mixture into the chocolate mixture.  Add the dry ingredients and whisk to combine. (Try not to over mix. Therein lies the land of excess gluten. You don’t want to go there.)  Fold in chocolate chips.
4. Pour the batter into the springform pan.  Place in the oven and bake until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean, or about 55-65 minutes.  Let cool, and then remove the sides of the pan.  Dust with powdered sugar just before serving.

Listen. LISTEN.  I wouldn’t steer you wrong.  MAKE THIS SHIT.  You won’t regret it.  Happy baking, and happy holidays!!

AJ

PS – Kristi has been threatening to wring my neck for months trying to get a recipe outta me. Tell her yall don’t want her flying up to DC to come kick my ass, please. I’m a delicate fucking flower and can’t take such harsh treatment.