I would apologize for my absence but… I am damn near 40 (as in next week). Life happens… and life happened.
Short story shorter, I am at a stage in life where a lot of things I thought were non-negotiable… were negotiated. People I thought I would know the rest of my life… I won’t. And there a myriad of other life lessons I got the hard way.
But yes I am still around, still black and still gay. I am just in a new tax bracket, a new dress size, and with a whole new list of grown folks issues. So I said hell… why don’t I blog about it. It will keep me honest… even when I lie (mostly to myself).
And so The Kword becomes… Hello40s.
Oh and feel free to read all the irrerevent stuff I wrote back in my 20s… on here. I was a whole freaking wave.
And heck no I am not going to update/change all my old things to say Hello40s because…. a) I wasn’t 40 then, and b) my 40th self now doesn’t have the bandwidth or desire for that much needless work. *peaceful sigh*
I have been really excited and in love with my morning routine for the last few weeks.
For those that know me, I have been on a whole life affirming journey. As I am working on my next upcoming chapter (more coming — stay tuned), I have realized that I need to be more diligent and deliberate in how I spend my time and reach my goals.
I am a creature of habit. Both good habits and bad, if I’m honest. When my life is a mess, it is a BIG MESS. When my life is on an upward trajectory, I am a whole mood. I have to be intentional about every aspect of my life so I decided the morning is the way to set the pace. Is it just me or if you have a great morning, your day goes better?
For the record, this post is for sure not trying to get you to do my routine. It is just a post to share how I figured out what works for me and hopefully it will give you a little zhuzh [1] …I know for ME my routine gets me feeling awake, productive and affirmed before the day starts going. Here goes…
Get woke.
I used to hate waking up. For some reason, my body knows exactly when my alarm is getting ready to go off, which coincidentally felt like 5 minutes before I was supposed to wake up. Every morning without fail l, I would hit the snooze button 3 times before I actually got up. By the last buzzer, I was jumping up and running around the house in order to get out of the house for work. It started my day feeling stressed out and rushed. And often my day would continue just like that.
I have now moved my charger and phone to the other side of the room so I have to physically get up and go turn it off. By the time I focus my eyes and make the first step, I am up. For full disclosure, I have been tempted to walk back over to the bed once or twice (I’m still growing) but for the most part I have kept it moving.
Set the mood.
Once I have my slippers on, I make my way to my half bathroom.
For the most part I am a night shower-er (unless I have gotten up super early or need a little extra), so my half bathroom is my zen place for my facial routine. The first thing that I do is light my candles. I have been in love with the candles I have been using from Queen Mary Candle, Co here in Miami. They are hand poured and smell amazing. I sent batches out in my birthday gift boxes this year. They were hit.
Next I activate the “Daily Affirmations” on my Amazon Fire dot. Today I was told that I am strong, healthy and powerful. I repeat my affirmation 4 or 5 times in a row while I am setting up my skincare.
Once I have gotten ready, I start my Anthony Hamilton Pandora channel. Aside from the fact that I love his music, the channel has a great mix of soulful tunes and spiritual music. It will go from Solange to Tamela Mann to Jaheim. It is a good time, and I can pretend I am on the newest episode of Sunday Morning Best or the Voice.
Wash On. Wash Off.
So I am trying to decide if I should make this part a separate blog post. I worked with April King of Glamour Impulse to create the best regimen for my daily skin care. I have added a few tweaks to it but it has definitely made my skin reach a new level of bombness. Between her blog, her Instagram and her YouTube channel, I am very excited about what she is going to introduce me to next [3].
Let’s just say, I do 7-10 steps every morning and a varied routine every night. Yes I will definitely do another post full of product links later. The response that I have gotten from those who have seen me has been so positive. I work in the fashion and beauty industry for my 9 to 5, so when a legit celebrity makeup artist [4] gives you a high five… you take it.
Most of the times I don’t wear makeup but definitely make sure my face is moisturized and the rest of my body is shea buttered up.
Keep hydrated.
So after I have revived my skin, I take a moment and revive internally. Since I am doing intermittent fasting, I don’t have breakfast but I make sure to drink my first 8 oz of water before I get dressed.
I blow out my candle (because I don’t want to burn my house down) and say bye to Alexa. I am ready to go.
Stay grateful.
With everything going on, I was struggling to find my peace and my happy. I felt anxious about going to work, I felt guilty for having a job to go to. It was an odd mix of survivors’ guilt and feeling like a sacrificial lamb. With the help of loving friends and self reflection, I have gotten better at being ok. On the way to work, I text some of the most important people in my life. I chat with my friend Gennie, I send a daily check in on Mama K Word and have now introduced a new “love on y’all” text with my sisters. Everyone of them sow positivity and light into my life, so I want to start their days off with some too.
Now let’s keep it real. Does this routine happen perfectly every day? Nah. Nope. Chiiiiile. Do I feel bad when I miss a step or two? Only for a second. The best thing about the routine is that it has a lasting effect. If I mess up one day, the affirmation and love from the day before keeps me going until I get back on target the next day.
[1]In general use, ‘zhuzh’ tends to mean “to improve in appearance by way of a slight adjustment.” Sidenote I legit that zhuzh was a Yiddish word that old Jewish mothers used over mahjong… Guess I was wrong. Shout out to Carson from Queer Eye.
[2]I have purchased many high end candles in my day but I love these. They last 2 weeks and are fun to try out. (I have one fragrance for my morning routine and another for my evening routine).
[3]Though my wallet is looking a little nervous. Beauty hurts… my bank account.
[4]Celebrity artist like iconic, A lister, supermodel knowing celebrity artist. No shade to instagram celebs.
Today I am sharing with you the bougiest[1] thing that I have ever purchased… on Amazon. It isn’t even expensive, it’s just the fact that I bought it that makes me say… really girl?
We are in full on Super Week hysteria in Miami. The traffic is backing up, celebrities are touching down and parties are going all around. If you are a sports fan or music fan, this is the place to be.
I must say I am not the biggest football fan. I love a good tailgate and the atmosphere, but I am definitely not a die hard fan. So I wasn’t exactly sure what I was getting into when my friend Donna suggested we go to the Super Bowl opening night at the Marlins stadium to kick of Superbowl LIV. I knew I was going to have a good time with one of my great friends, but I was fully ready to be bored. Boy was I wrong! I had an absolute blast.
Well I have written posts on here while all over the country, but today is definitely a first. I am coming to you live and in color from my… bathroom. Yeah fellas[1], this might not be the post for you because today I am writing about Yoni Steaming. Yes it is exactly what you think it is.
First things first, let’s discuss what yoni steaming is. Yoni steaming, which is also called vagina steaming, is kind of like a facial for your vagina. While you are sitting on a herb filled pot of hot (but not boiling) water, the steam rises through your lady parts and gives it a little pick me up. The herbs tone and rejuvenate your vajajay[2] inside and out.
Now I have heard of yoni steaming over the years a handful of times. This isn’t some new fad at all. Yoni steaming can be seen in different cultures for hundreds of years. Women all over the world use it as part of their self care routine. This time, I decided to actually give it a go. Marty mentioned it during one of our sister chats (along with April) and I knew it was a sign. The benefits of yoni steaming seemed great, with some that definitely peaked my interest.
Improve period bleeding that is brown or black in colour.
Reduce period pain and discomfort
Helps to restore bacterial and PH balance to aid in prevention of infections, bacterial vaginosis and odor.
Detoxify your mind, body and soul
Before I get any further, and I am sure that most of you already know this BUT your vagina is self cleaning. So while this “cleanses”, your vagina doesn’t need any help.
So off to Amazon I went for my Sew Right starter kit. I know I know there are herbalists and healers that create their own but I wanted to introduce it into my Sunday self care routine ASAP.
I chose the Female Rituals Steam Therapy (1 Ounce) package. The two reasons I went with this one was that a) it was the brand that Marty recommended and b) they had a small 1 oz offering (enough for 1-2 steams), so I could try them out.
As I write and steam, I can tell you some first impressions. It smells really floral and has a calming effect that I like. Before I even sat down, the aroma took over my house. It is like a really fragrant herbal tea. The scent plus the steam are giving me a really relaxed feeling. The tensions of my week are melting away, if only for a minute. I can definitely see myself having a good rest after I finish this and my pamper day skincare routine[3].
The second piece I bought for my kit was the Carex Sitz Bath.
Now you can use a pot and sit it in your toilet but… yeah that was a no for me. Or you can get really fancy and buy a Yoni Steam Chair but… while I am down to buy a bougie item or two for selfcare day… that was also a no for me.
This sitz bath sat right into my toilet with a vent space and once I am done I will be able to simply dispose of the herbs and wash it out for next time.
So here are the steps that I did.
Put the sitz bath in the toilet with half a package (1/2 an ounce of herbs)
Boiled water in my tea pot and poured the hot water into the mix.
Steep herbs for 10 minutes in the water
Grabbed a bottle of water so I didn’t get dehydrated and got undressed.
Covered myself with a blanket to keep in the steam and put my laptop on top
Blogged with you all in tow. (Next time I think I will read a book)
Steamed for about 20-25 minutes.
Disposed of the herbs and rinsed the sitz
Laying down with the rest of my water for a bit, finishing up this post and watching Living Single[4] on Hulu.
I plan to definitely incorporate yoni steaming into my moon cycles. They say to do it a week before your period (but definitely not while on your period). I am getting conflicting information about how often to do it, but I think for myself I would like to do it 2-3 times a month on my Sunday ritual. I feel so relaxed and in tune to “her” right now and I want to keep that going.
Have you ever done a Yoni Steam aka Vaginal Steaming? How did you like it? How do you incorporate it into your routine? Do you have any tips for someone using it? Comment below and tell me what you think. Can’t wait to hear from you!
[1]But you are definitely welcome to stay. We are all inclusive over here.
[2]I really should have included a drinking game where you have to take a shot every time I say ANY word equivalent to vagina.
[3]I will do that post next week maybe as part of the two part series.
[4]Just watched the episode where Kyle sang the draws off of Max. I so loved them.
That was the start to the invitation for the 2nd annual Giveback Kickback And BBQ, coordinated by birthday girl, journal entrepreneur and great friend Kristi King. This style maven and socially conscious individual started her annual tradition in 2015 where she invites friends to “kickback” with a birthday cook out, while encouraging attendees to bring a specific number of items for donation to the needy. The number corresponds to her age (which I’m not sharing because it’s rude to share a woman’s age without her permission) :).
“No presents requested but we will be making…care packages for the area homeless.”
This no doubt was beyond a feel good moment, sharing good times, food and fellowship with newcomers and some previously familiar faces. Thank you Kristi for being you; the inspiration and a caregiver within out unique world. We need more examples like you to shine on. Check out the…
So I am trying to decide if I should make this part a separate blog post. I worked with April King of 
So off to Amazon I went for my Sew Right starter kit. I know I know there are herbalists and healers that create their own but I wanted to introduce it into my Sunday self care routine ASAP.
The second piece I bought for my kit was the 
Hello 40s (formerly the Kword) 