Tag Archives: miami lifestyle blogger

Dear Reader whose ancestors are watching – or how sometimes you have to show them better than you can tell them

September 30, 2021 Kristi K Leave a comment

Good morning Lovebugs,

Long time no see… I have been out here trying to mind my business, remodel my home and drink my water.

But of course, whenever you reach a higher plane, someone tries to bring you back down. No no, this isn’t a breakup post, I have done my share of those. It is not about family dysfunction or friends’ betrayal.

This is the story of a no-name, non-factor who decided that today was the day they wanted to knock me off my square. And as a result, he got himself knocked off the block.

*Warning: No one was physically harmed in this situation, but if there had been I wouldn’t have been wrong.*

So before we go into the “incident”, I want to be very clear about a few things. I have been Black all my life. I have been in corporate America, about half of that life. As a woman, specfically a Black woman, I am not naive to microaggressions either due to my race or my gender (and usually both). I have dealt with tone policing, oppurtunity shaming, assumptions of my seniority, and have had several occassions where I have been requested to be the “voice of Black America” in conversations.

There have been many times that I have allowed things to be done and said around me. Originally due to my youth and fear of hurting my future, I accepted it. And as time went on, and bills piled up, I told myself to ignore it. I said it wasn’t worth the fight. I was wrong.

I don’t know whether it is my age or my re-attachment to my ancestors, but I am not that girl anymore.

Yesterday started off amazing. I found out my contractor was coming back to work after a surgery. I went to bed smiling after an amazing conversation. I was preparing for my mom to come in town for my neice’s wedding. I was happy. Like very happy. I put on a simple graphic tee highlighting my happiness. Yep… this is a story about a t-shirt.

I decide to grab a cup of coffee from the catering service in the corporate cafeteria. I smile to greet Mr. Coffee (I don’t actually know his name) and order my Cuban toast and cortadito.

“Why are you wearing a racist shirt?”

I was so caught off guard that I turned around to see who he was speaking to. After a second of confusion, I turned and looked back at him. He was talking to me.

“Why not wear a White is my happy color?”

Oh he is serious serious. I tried to de escalate (because that is what we are taught to do) and say “Well if Pink was my happy color or Yellow was my happy color I would wear that shirt too”. I thought that would stop him but it didn’t.

“Well I guess you can be happy all the time then” with a laugh.

At that point, I knew he was not going to stop. I knew any response would feed into it, so I paid and walked to the other side of the counter while I waited for my food.

I sat there. I replayed the conversation in my head. I sat there some more. I initially tried to blame myself for wearing the shirt. I gaslit my damn self and was going to sweep it under the rug. He had several oppurtunities not to be harmful and he just didn’t care. He doubled down at every turn. He wanted to make my blackness to be something he could target for his enjoyment. This was not about the words on the shirt, it was the black body wearing it.

The whispers in my heart and head, said “Nah Kristi not today”. I couldn’t be complicit. I couldn’t rationalize that he was just the guy in the cafeteria. There are too many young black interns at this company that I would be giving him permission to make uncomfortable. I would have made it ok for him to say something out of the way to the young sister I used to be. It is not just about me.

I never want anyone to lose their job. I never want someone to be banned from their workplace. But I will choose me and mine… everytime.

Books

Dear Reader who needs to unf*ck some stuff — or a book review of “Unfuck Your Boundaries” by @theintimacydr

January 12, 2021 Kristi K Leave a comment

re·set/rēˈset/verb
set again or differently.

I am not going to pretend this is a New Year/New Me 2021. I am happy to have gotten out of 2020 unscathed and I am content with that. I do want to work on different parts of myself through the next 12 months. Each month I will focus on different words, and use them to guide that journey.

This month my word to hone in on is “Reset”. I am trying to reconfigure some of the habits (physical and mental) that were causing me harm and reignite some of them that I had let fall to the wayside.

I’m back to counting points on my weight watcher app (which helped be lose 37 lbs, of which I gained back 15 since Covid), I unfroze my subscription with Club Pilates (which helped me tone my body), and am getting back to running virtual 5Ks. The physical game plan was easy because I have seen it work and know its results. The mental game plan… is a work in progress.

One thing that I always loved to do was read. Now granted everything I read wasn’t Hemingway or Morrison. Sometimes I would devour 20 books with titles like “The Thug who stole my heart” and the “The Kingpin’s boss lady”. I have no shame in this at all. Did they teach me the concept of metaphysics, no. But they did teach me what huaraches are… which is something… right? *shrugs*

So I decided that I want to read one book a week. One of them will be specifically about the word of the month. The others will be a mix of everything from memoirs to pure unapologetic trash.

The first book I have selected is… (I would do a drumroll but it is in the title of the post) “Unfuck Your Boundaries: Build Better Relationships through Consent, Communication, and Expressing Your Needs” by Faith Harper.

So you have probably heard about this book or the many iterations of her “Unf*ck” books. She has about half a dozen. She is here to help if you want to unf*ck your brain, your intimacy, or your anger. I probably could gain from most of these topics but right now I wanted to work on boundaries.

On to the book. I will say this was an easy read. Easy in that there wasn’t any complicated clinical language. There was a good amount of cussing (which shouldn’t surprise anyone based on the title) and a couple of hashtags. It was simple in its delivery but I found myself highlighting several parts for re-reading.

This is definitely a book that can help just about everyone. I went into it thinking that I wanted to work on my boundaries and staying firm to them. And while I got information on that, in the end I found myself reevaluating how I treat other’s boundaries as well. It created an environment of introspection that I needed… and appreciated.

In addition to boundary work, there was a good amount of insight on communication, especially through conflict. There have been so many times where I thought a quick apology would defuse a situation and it instead became ammunition use against me. Or times where I thought I was giving helpful advice, but it wasn’t healthy, wanted or warranted. I am going to make a conscious effort to use the BIFF technique going forward. I don’t want to give too much of the book away but BIFF stands for brief, informative, friendly and firm. This book is full of simple pieces of information that I can’t wait to use for more full communication.

I would definitely recommend this to any reader who wants to improve their communication and/or navigate a world with boundaries (either their own or others). Have you read it? What did you think? Tell you more.

XOXO, Kristi

Health and Beauty

Dear Reader who is thinking of Yoni Steaming — or doesn’t even know what that is.

January 5, 2021 Kristi K Leave a comment

Dear Reader,

I plan to write posts from all over the country as I continue this journey, but I am not sure this will occur again. I am coming to you live and in color from my… bathroom. I thought this was apropos because this is where the magic will happen. Why? Because today I am writing about Yoni Steaming. Yes it is exactly what you think it is.

First things first, let’s discuss what yoni steaming is. Yoni steaming, which is also called vagina steaming, is kind of like a facial for your vagina. While you are sitting on a herb filled pot of hot (but not boiling) water, the steam rises through your lady parts and gives it a little pick me up. The herbs tone and rejuvenate your vajajay inside and out.

Now I have heard of yoni steaming over the years a handful of times. This isn’t some new fad at all. Yoni steaming can be seen in different cultures for hundreds of years. Women all over the world use it as part of their self care routine. This time, I decided to actually give it a go. Marty mentioned it during one of our sister chats (along with April) and I knew it was a sign. The benefits of yoni steaming seemed great, with some that definitely peaked my interest.

Here are just a few.

Improve fertility.
Increase circulation and blood flow.
Cleanse the uterine lining of old blood.
Treat uterine fibroids, ovarian cysts, uterine weakness, uterine prolapse & endometriosis.
Improve period bleeding that is brown or black in colour.
Reduce period pain and discomfort
Helps to restore bacterial and PH balance to aid in prevention of infections, bacterial vaginosis and odor.
Detoxify your mind, body and soul

Before I get any further, and I am sure that most of you already know this BUT your vagina is self cleaning. So while this “cleanses”, your vagina doesn’t need any help.

So off to Amazon I went for my Sew Right starter kit. I know I know there are herbalists and healers that create their own but I wanted to introduce it into my Sunday self care routine ASAP.

I chose the Female Rituals Steam Therapy (1 Ounce) package. The two reasons I went with this one was that a) it was the brand that Marty recommended and b) they had a small 1 oz offering (enough for 1-2 steams), so I could try them out.

As I write and steam, I can tell you some first impressions. It smells really floral and has a calming effect that I like. Before I even sat down, the aroma took over my house. It is like a really fragrant herbal tea. The scent plus the steam are giving me a really relaxed feeling. The tensions of my week are melting away, if only for a minute. I can definitely see myself having a good rest after I finish this and my pamper day skincare routine.

The second piece I bought for my kit was the Carex Sitz Bath.

Now you can use a pot and sit it in your toilet but… yeah that was a no for me. Or you can get really fancy and buy a Yoni Steam Chair but… while I am down to buy a bougie item or two for selfcare day… that was also a no for me.

This sitz bath sat right into my toilet with a vent space and once I am done I will be able to simply dispose of the herbs and wash it out for next time.

So here are the steps that I did.

Put the sitz bath in the toilet with half a package (1/2 an ounce of herbs)
Boiled water in my tea pot and poured the hot water into the mix.
Steep herbs for 10 minutes in the water
Grabbed a bottle of water so I didn’t get dehydrated and got undressed.
Covered myself with a blanket to keep in the steam and put my laptop on top
Blogged with you all in tow. (Next time I think I will read a book)
Steamed for about 20-25 minutes.
Disposed of the herbs and rinsed the sitz
Laying down with the rest of my water for a bit, finishing up this post and watching Living Single on Hulu.

I plan to definitely incorporate yoni steaming into my moon cycles. They say to do it a week before your period (but definitely not while on your period). I am getting conflicting information about how often to do it, but I think for myself I would like to do it 2-3 times a month on my Sunday ritual. I feel so relaxed and in tune to “her” right now and I want to keep that going.

Have you ever done a Yoni Steam aka Vaginal Steaming? How did you like it? How do you incorporate it into your routine? Do you have any tips for someone using it? Comment below and tell me what you think. Can’t wait to hear from you!

XOXO, Kristi

Sew Right Loves: Favorite Things

Sew Right Loves: The Bougiest Thing I Have Ever Purchased… on Amazon

June 16, 2019 Kristi K 7 Comments

Hi Lovebugs!

I hope everyone is having a nice Father’s Day.

For those of you that are fathers, this is your day. Those of you that are spending it with your fathers, I am so happy for you. And for those of us who don’t have our fathers, I am wishing you peace and comfort. I know I recently went to my father’s grave for the first time in like 10 years. It was a surreal experience. But that is a story for another day.

Today I am sharing with you the bougiest[1] thing that I have ever purchased… on Amazon. It isn’t even expensive, it’s just the fact that I bought it that makes me say… really girl?

Continue reading Sew Right Loves: The Bougiest Thing I Have Ever Purchased… on Amazon →